for my son

My baby, my lil prince..
i didn't love you in the beginning.. sure i adored you but i was afraid to express my love for you cuz i wasn't sure i did... But i went through with my responsibilities.. i fed you, bathed you, changed you.. they became a routine and yet i didn't feel the love for you. It felt more like a responsibility.. You were MY responsibility...
All you did was cry and poop... and you were response-less... yet you took away my sleep, you took away my strength, you took away my freedom. you gave me pain, you gave me tears and you gave me misery...
i wanted to get away from you... from your cries... i wanted to give up nursing you because of the unbearable pain.. yet i couldn't... i felt guilty for wanting to abandon God's precious gift... i wanted you and i was blessed to have you... i couldn't just leave...
Now i can't help falling in love with you! Seeing you grow in front of my eyes makes it all worth it. My world is filled with joy... when you smile, when you look into my eyes and give me your biggest toothless grin... you melt my heart everytime you do that... i even enjoy hearing you cry, knowing that you need me and all the things that assure me that you will be ok and you will be very well loved...

the first few weeks

i was discharged from the hospital 2 days after delivery and i had to have a crash course on how to breastfeed! Man, it was not easy. But baby khalis had to readmit cuz there was 'blood' in his urine and a bit of jaundice. It turns out that it wasn't blood, just crystalites and his jaundice was low so don't need to go for phototherapy... phew...
breastfeeding is the toughest thing to do when u're new at it. i was frustrated and itchy all over (apparently i terkena some fungal from the hospital bed).. didn't sleep much either... was totally exhausted.. thank God baby khalis is not the crying type. he sleeps a lot during the day and night... =)

time for myself

haven't had the time for myself for the past 3 months... sigh... having a baby is no easy task! all the round the clock feeding, diaper changing, putting him for his naps... but the best reward is when he looks you in the eyes and gives you his happiest grin. it melts my heart everytime baby khalis does that. he may cry when he's cranky (usually when he's sleepy) but the moment he smiles it just takes ur troubles away...
he's getting bigger now.. heavier too... =) and he talks a lot. we can have a really long 'conversation' when he's in the mood... cooing and gurgling and believe it or not, mooing.. haha... he responds well when i moo... funny lil fella.
i had to take a break and since hubby wasn't working yesterday, i made him take care of our baby and i went for a facial! haha.. it was the most relaxing moment i had in months! i was more at ease and wasn't losing it when he cried.. i know hubby was gonna tear his scalp off.. how mean of me leaving him alone with the baby but i had to before i go crazy! =)