It's been a while

My lil' baby inside is having the hiccups while I'm typing this.. =D
I'm now about 7 months pregnant and so far so good.. Still getting the usual cramps and often need to take a break especially when my lil' monster craves for my undivided attention.. Sigh... At 17 months I don't suppose him to just sit around watching the telly or stuffing himself with food, but, sometimes I feel like I need a remote control to turn him off or to just slow him down! He's been really adorable lately; giving me an occasional hug or a kiss. Sometimes he would come and hug my belly and gives it a kiss.. *snicker* Been teaching him about the baby in mummy's tummy, although I don't think he fully understands but I'm hoping this way would help him prepare when the baby comes.
We still have no idea of the gender... the doctor I'm seeing seems to dodge away from the issue, claiming that her ultrasound scan machine isn't sophisticated enough to detect its sex. Frustrated, we actually went to another MP and he gave us the same damn excuse! What's with these doctors?? More frustration when we called another clinic and the doctor says that he charges about RM100 just to scan... Sigh... Hubby and I finally gave up on the idea and convinced ourselves that well, eventually we'll know! =D
Oh yeah. by the way, my Grandma told me to 'close shop' after the second one! It was pretty hilarious when she asked why have so many children at this age.. ??.. It's only the second one and besides, shouldn't she be happy she's gaining another great-grandchild? Well as long as I'm happy, my hubby's happy and life's enjoyable, I don't see why we should grumble about it.. Right? =)

the first kick, the first fear

I felt my little baby's first strong kick on Sunday. I was just lazing around on the couch when suddenly I felt a little 'toing' on the right side of my belly. Excited, I quickly put my hand on my tummy to feel it again and yet somehow it refuses to kick when you want it to. After a few minutes, I gave up waiting and lifted my hands off of my tummy, and there it was, another 'toing'... It won't be long before it starts to kick more and practises its acrobatic skills inside. Until then I'll just have to be patient and wait for its unpredictable 'toings'...
We bought a new mattress the other day and now we have 2 queen size beds in our room. Baby Khalis started to conquer most of our bed a few months ago and hubby thought it's about time we got another so that I'll have more space to myself. =) You won't believe how a small little fella can take up so much space! Hubby and I have been kicked and punched almost every night because little monster here just can't sleep on one side... quietly... nope he'll stretch and 'fling' his body from one end of the bed to another... I wonder whose side he got this 'lan fan' syndrome from hmmm?
Baby Khalis has just turned 15 months and has been experiencing his first fear... night fear... He would cry and wail everytime we turn off the light and somehow the night light doesn't help calm him... I really hope this phase of his would go away soon. He would wail for more than 20 minutes before falling asleep and it's starting to get quite tiring listening to him cry nonstop and it gets me worried... and it drives hubby nuts! =D

baby check-up

Went for my 4th month baby check-up today and had an ultra-sound scan. Baby moving well and pretty active too.. Alhamdulillah!
Somehow the feelings of excitement and joy fill us all over again. I guess it doesn't matter if you're expecting your first or your fifth child, everything seems so surreal the moment you see it on the screen.
We still can't tell its gender yet, too soon to tell. =) I wouldn't mind another boy, really. Although having a girl would be quite fun i guess! haha.. The doctor was more concern about whether its one baby or two.. I think Amer would faint if we're expecting twins! =D
Baby Khalis is still as active as ever! The only time when i have my own time is when he's taking his nap. He's able to say 'ball' and 'bus' hehe so cute... Still going through separation anxiety. He'll be shouting 'ma ma' on top of his lungs the moment he can't see me. Amer says he's overprotective over me.. in a way i find it cute that someone needs me but in another, it's as though there's an invisible leash that i'm tied to...
Other than that, i feel a wave of relief to see this other little human being inside me.. Kind of like a reassurance that i am REALLY pregnant.. again.. =p

moving day!

We are finally moving into our new place! Been packing like crazy since Tuesday night. Didn't realize we have so much stuffs! Hubby left with the movers to our house at about 12pm and i'm here taking care of baby.. hehe.. lucky me.. ;)
I hope baby Kel will get used to living in our new house... It'll be more quiet around there... No more aunties of his to play with.. no more hearing the gate open and running downstairs to see who came home... no more 'hi baby!!!', the usual greet he gets when someone else in the house sees him... well of course unless we come back every now and then so that nobody will miss him terribly... he is the main attention of the house afterall! =D
I'm pretty excited about moving... been waiting for ages and the day has finally arrived... our very own home... our very own COLOURFUL home... it's like a Barbie Doll's house! =D
Well it's all the unpacking and arranging our things that's making me feel 'bleh' right now and I hope we'll get everything done ASAP!

what i saw at IKEA

The other day when we went household stuffs hunting (for the upteenth time) at IKEA, we saw this family of four who were a little rough and loud. The father was scolding his son (who's probably about 4/5 years old) and the sister was crying. The little boy was burly and tough looking, kinda like his father... and he had this sneering, 'give me what you've got' look on his face.
The mother (raging one, mind you) was chasing after him, hitting him with a stick! He was wailing in the store and the mother was furious. So, the more he cried, the more the father yelled at him, the more the mother chased after him with the stick. The best part is, he started hitting his mother!
The saying "Monkey see, monkey do" applies very well here. You see, what you do to your children is what they will get used to. This is where violence starts out and we don't need these kind of behaviour or even these kind of people around! They will eventually learn to hit other kids and think it's alright. It's not like their parents are going to teach them not to bully or hit other people when they themselves get the same treatment at home (and in public, shamefully).
I felt like telling her to stop. Afterall, you simply don't have kids to beat them and lash your anger out on them. It's not right. They need guidance and boundaries, the more you hit them, the more they rebel.
But looking at her scares me even. And besides, who am I to tell her how to teach her kids? I am afterall, just another 23 year old young mother of 1.. and a half.. =)

Save me from myself

It's not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you gotta be
Everything's changing
But you're the truth
I'm amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through

And when I'm about to fall
Somehow you're always waiting
Your open arms to catch me
You're gonna save me from myself
From myself, yes
You're gonna save me from myself

My love is tainted by your touch
Well some guys have shown me aces
But you've got that royal flush
I know it's crazy everyday
Well tomorrow maybe shaky
But you never turn away

Don't ask me why I'm crying
'Cause when I start to crumble
You know how to keep me smiling
You always save me from myself
From myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

I know it's hard, it's hard
But you've broken all my wallsY
ou've been my strength, so strong

And don't ask me why I love you
It's obvious your tenderness
Is what I need to make me
A better woman to myself
To myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

adapted from Christina Aguilera's 'Back to Basics' album

Baby #2

When my menses were late for a week, I was praying hard that it's due to weight loss or stress or any other reasons besides being pregnant. Thinking back, we were careful, weren't we? WEREN'T WE?!
After a brief thought about it I had to get myself a home pregnancy test kit to find out and lo and behold! The results? 2 obvious blue lines. My heart sank. I know I should be ecstatic about it but instead I feel like a teenager in trouble.
How can I be pregnant again? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It felt like a blur. Thinking God must be playing a trick on me. We went to the clinic the next day and the doctor told us there's not much point to take the test again as these things are quite accurate (it's more likely a false results if it was a negative)...
There's so many weighty issues on our minds. Baby Buk, our new house, our financial status. I was more worried about hubby. Is he able to cope with another baby? I guess it wouldn't be so bad if we didn't just spend a fortune renovating our place.
It took us a few days for reality to sink in and finally accepted the fact that there isn't much we can do about it but to cherish and be thankful to Allah S.W.T. for His blessings.
Now, I actually do feel happy about being pregnant again and am looking forward to our new little bundle of joy!

Buk

Our little Buk isn't so little anymore. Sometimes we feel that you're growing up too fast! What's happened to our tiny helpless little baby? You're 1 and taking over the world (haha so to speak)...
You seem to be cheekier every day. Fight your sleep during naptime. Dance even when there isn't any music around. Pull your little toy snail around and run away when you know Mummy is chasing after you.
The best part of all is when you give us your little hugs. Simply adorable and you make us feel so blessed to have you, Buk!
ps: your nickname 'Buk' was given to you by Mummy because you used to make the 'bukbuk' sound with your lips when you were a few months old =)

Happy 1st birthday!

This time last year, Mummy was lying in the hospital bed going through waves and waves of painful contractions. In my head, all Mummy could think about was 'When are you coming out!?' Every passing minute seemed like eternity. Doctors and nurses came and went and still no signs of you.
Then at about 9pm, the doctors suggested Mummy go for an emergency caesarean because you, my dear baby was becoming a little too distressed. Your heartbeat slowed with each contraction and the doctors were getting worried. So in the midst of pain and worry, Mummy had to sign the consent letter before they could wheel me into the operating theatre. All this while, Daddy was nowhere to be found and Mummy was getting furious from all the pain.
Alas, as they were wheeling Mummy out the labor room, there stood Daddy at the entrance looking white in the face, as he was lost at what was going on. The first thing Mummy did was yelled at him 'Where the h*** were you?' Oh, you have to understand the pain Mummy was going through for me to shout at him.
As the nurses and doctors pushed Mummy around in the four-wheeled bed, I was getting nervous and scared. Was Mummy ready to have you afterall? It seemed like a distant memory carrying you for 10 months and now it's finally time.
The operating theatre was cold and unwelcoming. Mummy wanted to leave as soon as I was brought into it. The doctor gave Mummy an anesthetic and couldn't feel anything from the waist down. The doctors covered my view so I couldn't see the procedure.
At exactly 10.35pm, Mummy heard your first cries and I was euphoric. It was THE most amazing sound a mother could hear. The nurses cleaned you up and wrapped you up nicely in a warm blanket before letting Mummy see you. Oh, you were the most beautiful creature Allah has ever created. I reached out to touch your little foot and was amazed at how soft and smooth you were.
Then you were brought out to Daddy and Mummy couldn't wait to see you again.
All these happened a year ago, Buk. Now you're an active, cheeky, adorable and sweetest little boy. Mummy and Daddy love you very very much.
Happy First Birthday!
Plenty of Lovelove, Hughugs and Kuskus...

boy or girl?

Sometimes I wonder if people ask questions just to irk you or they're just plain ignorant. I know Baby Khalis looked like a girl when he had long hair, but even after cutting it short, dressed him up in shirt, shorts and sandals, people are still asking the same annoying question: "Girl ar?" "Boy or girl ar?"
even after I tell them 'boy', then they'll go "Hah? Boy ar? Aiyoh so cute look like girl!" So am I suppose to pleased to hear that my son is cute to the point where he looks like a girl?
I didn't think I would be so bothered by it but as more ignorant people ask me that same question, the more I feel like telling them to wash their eyeballs and look carefully before asking, "Boy or girl ar?"
It's not that I'm being hostile. I like showing him off to the world but as who he is. A boy! With big doey eyes, button nose and pouty lips which are of inheritance of both me and his daddee.. Of course I feel proud when someone comes up to us and say how adorable he is or even when someone is passing by and remarks on how cute he is, just don't ask if he's a boy or a girl when it's so obvious!
So, next time you see him, keep in mind that he's a boy and please, aren't you tired of asking a baby its gender?

You

You,
You make my heart flutter,
With your every smile,
And every glisten in your eyes.

You are who you are,
Your world is bright and unpretentious,
Every expression is there for all to see,
Genuine, innocent and free.

Giggle when you're happy,
Cry when you're not,
There is no mask,
To hide behind it all.

Give a little kiss,
Followed by a hug,
My dearest lil' prince,
You are very much loved.

Mummee

wasted education?

I have a Diploma in Film&TV from LimKokWing University College of Creative Technology. I spent 3 years there and passed my tertiary education with flying colours, even achieving an award for Best in Screenwriting. My dad probably spent about RM18K including my books and allowance. So what happened to my oh so wonderful education and super-proud award? They're left somewhere at the back of my brain and closet respectively. I used to think that I owe my dad big time for forking out so much on my education only to have me end up marrying my long term boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I'm not regretting my decision to settle down. I couldn't ask for a better life really. And to be blessed with an adorable son, who would?
My point is, what if I made use of my diploma and have a chance at working in a broadcasting firm and having a career? What if I pursued my education and spend another 2 years getting a Degree? I know being married to Amer wouldn't hold me back but as soon as I settled down, I became comfortable teaching English to primary students and earning a decent amount of money for myself. (My money is my money and Amer's money is OUR money, mind you ;) )
Ok, back to the part where I used to think I owe my dad big time. I recently read a post in my Yahoo! Group known as SAHP (Stay at home parents) and I came across this profound saying,
The more education you have, the better equipped you are at bringing up a child into this world. Education offers you a thinking platform & it doesn't matter what you studied or where. As long as you have been exposed to an education, you think better & thus are able to nurture your child in a more wholesome manner. Never ever think that your education is wasted.
Such strong words don't you think? Nonetheless, I've never regretted having a child at this young age and becoming a mother takes more of you than you can imagine. With those words, I shall stop feeling sorry for my dad and think that I still owe him big time, in turn, I thank him for my education and his blessings over my decision to settle down..

8 months

Baby Khalis is now 8 months old! Has 6 teeth (4 on top and 2 bottom). Is an expert in the art of crawling and is able to stand and cruise while holding on to something, though still unsteady.
Has an incredibly cheeky look! But had to cut his hair. Was getting a little too long and people keep thinking that he's a girl!
He seems to understand 'fan' and 'fish' though he doesn't point at them, he just looks at the direction when asked where they are. Am teaching him other things as well. He's also able to call out 'ma' and 'mama' but we're not sure if he's calling out to me or just having fun making the sound! =D

intoxicating addiction

yes, i'm addicted to my intoxicating lil' baby boy. looking at him makes me feel so proud and warm-hearted... his big-doey eyes, lil' button nose, his gleeful laughter and his intoxicating addictive scent. the bond we have is strong and affectionate, making me a proud mother. but he no longer seems to be a little baby... he has grown so much in these past few months, i wish i could slow things down and stop him from growing up too fast! of course that would be impossible as nature intends the opposite way... all i can do is cherish those lovely moments i have had with him and look forward to the new cute things that he's going to do.

it's impossible to be bored with my lil' baby dinosaur... every day he can come up (unintentionally, obviously) with funny antics, and no matter how tired or moody i am, looking at his silly grin melts everything away. i guess this is what they call, LOVE. even watching him sleep is entertaining! =D

part of me wants him to start walking or talking but another part of me doesn't. what can i expect when he reaches the stage? will he be walking and bumping into everything? or when he starts to talk, what will he be saying? and when his brain starts to mature and develope further, what should we be teaching him? different languages? maths? haha... we obviously want him to be a smart boy... or should we just let him develope on his own while we guide him as he learns? being responsible for the little is not easy!

what a dull birthday

5th february 2006 marks my 23rd birthday but man, was it dull! no celebration... no presents... (well except ang paus from me daddee and mummee)... no cards... just sweet birthday messages from friends and family and a morning birthday song from hubby.. haha... actually now that i've compiled it, it doesn't sound so bad now does it?
at least it's my first birthday with my little baby khalis... of course he doesn't know what day it is, it just feels special to experience something with him for the very first time... a special day with the usual cries to soothe and tantrums to calm... motherhood does not understand nor have the chance to sit and relax (or have a great birthday celebration for that matter), i have to accept that...
but growing up celebrating each of my birthday makes it hard not to... maybe i'm also getting a little to old for big celebrations anyway... and besides, hubby never really thrives on celebrations, heck, he even forgets his own! =D
well i guess this year marks the beginning of no big birthday celebrations and many more quiet ones to come... hhmm... at least i still have my hubby and lil khalis to go through them... maybe it'll be different when he gets older and understand a little bit more about mummy's infatuation with celebrating birthdays! haha.. we'll see... we'll see... =)

my baby, the lil' dinosaur

baby khalis is about 7 months old now... curious lil' boy... explores and destroys everything that comes into his path... it's amazing how he finds things to put into his mouth.. we've found tissue pieces, paper, anything that can be torn apart.. he'll be happily chewing them.. he really loves to play with things that aren't suppose to such as our remote control, eyewears, handphones, PDAs.. the list goes on. he's even left his little teeth mark on my brand new mobile phone! =D sentimental value i guess...
don't be fooled by his big-eyed adorable look... he can be a grumpy, cranky lil dinosaur! complains a whole lot before falling asleep... 'flies' around when he's in his walker... he'll be grunting and screaming with his arms outstretched... sigh... what a sight...
he just cannot stay still! i think the moment he does, it's a signal something's wrong.. hehe.. he likes to crawl all over the place and climb onto people.. stepping on our tummies and pinching our faces! curious i tell you... but i love it when he looks straight at you and tries to 'kiss' you on your nose or chin, though it usually ends up with slobber! =D

Half a year

It's already new year 2006 and Baby Khalis is now 6 and a half months! He can get up on all fours and leaps forward like a froggie. Learning to coordinate his and hands and legs and is beginning to crawl properly. His fourth tooth is visible and he already has 2 big bunny teeth and a little tooth on the bottom (which was the very first tooth to appear.)
He's able to pull himself up when he's sitting in his cot. Argh! He's growing up too fast! I kinda miss those times when he wasn't able to move as much. When he could only look at me and grin and he was all mine to carry and nurture...
I remember how small he was when he was born. The first time the nurse put his small cot beside my bed, I was overcome by a feeling of joy and awe. How can a little person, so tiny and helpless catches your breath and keeps you fixated? The magic of a newborn...
As the hours and days went by, the feeling became too overwhelming, making me a little depressed. Baby blues they call it. I was confined to my privacy. I needed to take it slow and breath. My little bundle of joy was not as I had expected. But then again, what was I expecting? Thankfully, he slept a lot and is a contented baby. Adjusting to motherhood was tough and there were times when I wonder if I was doing it right.
Now, my tiny baby has grown into a lil 'dinosaur'. His cheeks, thighs, arms and tummy are filled up! =D He grunts and squeals when he wants your attention. Can be a bit grumpy every now and then.. just like his daddee!
I'm happy and proud that my son is developing well and we are able to bring him up in a proper environment; considering we don't get a lot of help from others, just an advice here and there, which suits us just fine)
He can be a handful these days, but he makes us happy with his cheekiness. Never failing to thrill us with his new abilities and with his every smile! =)